So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
