you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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