# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
