Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
