I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
