Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
