Jerry, you need to find god
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
