Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
