The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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