I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
