so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
