Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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