Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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