Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
