I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
