): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
