she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
