this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
