my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
