Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
