Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
