she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
