There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she looked like the before picture.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
