his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize