Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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