PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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