they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
