meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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