ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
