Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
