I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
