am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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