Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
