my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm getting married
To pizza
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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