Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
