winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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