i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
