Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
