If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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