To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
