seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
