I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
