Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I love you.
Bad choice
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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