his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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