if only i could text you this smell
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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