I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you win again, gameday.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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