Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just googled if crying burns calories
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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