my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
