I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
