Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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