no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
