We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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