Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
