Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think I sprained my soul last night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
