Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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