sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
