Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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