Life is so much better after having sex.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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