i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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