What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think I sprained my soul last night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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